


Coffee Bean Necklace

by lapsedpacifist



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Gift Giving, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28143297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapsedpacifist/pseuds/lapsedpacifist
Summary: Polly hasn't seen Maladicta in ages, and now she's finally here! As Polly stops worrying about her new chargers for a moment, a few other realisations seep in...The pants were a metaphor.
Relationships: Maladict/Polly "Ozzer" Perks
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Coffee Bean Necklace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [howlingmoonrise (TheDarkStoryteller)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkStoryteller/gifts).



> hey happy holidays here! i hope you like this :D you weren't the only one that hasn't read the book in a while, I also had to re-read it (or re-listen to the audio version) again to get a feel of it!

“I don’t need to wear pants to wear pants. Even though I am wearing pants. But the point is I don’t  _ need  _ to. The pants are a, a symbol, a --”

“The pants,” Maladicta interrupted, “are a  _ metaphor.” _

Polly whirled around, her eyes widening with surprise as she spotted the intruder. Having seen nothing in the mirror she’d been facing, she had no idea how long Maladicta had--

Well. The doors were slightly opened now.

“Sergeant,” Maladicta now said instead of a hello, “are you practising a speech?”

“What would saying ‘no’ get me?”

“Disbelief, mostly. You do not need to, Major Blouse is doing one of his own right now. I believe it included the words ‘in memoriam’ and ‘duty to the homeland’.”

Polly groaned. “Then mine will have to be twice as good to keep them from running off.”

Maladicta crossed her arms as she approached Polly. She was still wearing the special uniform, just with the majority of braids cut off. The skirt was also shorter, the pants tighter-- Polly raised her head to look back at Maladicta’s eyes. They were really dark, she thought.

“Why are you thinking so hard?” Maladicta asked. “Why not just go out and be spontaneous?”

“Because this is really important,” Polly said. “This is about-- Mal, this is about  _ my  _ kids. I’m responsible for them!”

“You mean,  _ we  _ are responsible for them.”

Polly  _ didn’t  _ bite her lip. “Yes,” she said. “We are. And for Major Blause too, which, I know that I invited him, but I invited him only and not that-- that-- whatever  _ that  _ thing is.”

“I do believe he is of the opinion it is an ordinary horse,” Maladicta said, her fingers of one hand drumming a rhythm on the back of another. Mal had really long fingers, and she wasn’t wearing gloves.

“Ordinary horse?” Polly said, tilting her head to the side. “You would tell me if that  _ thing  _ was from Überwald, wouldn’t you?” It was a rhetorical question, mostly.

Maladicta looked appropriately insulted. “But of course!” she said. “Alas, I have never seen anything like it.”

“Fancy words,” Polly chuckled. And to her surprise, it was honest laughter, not the nervous giggle she might have expected otherwise, if it weren’t for Maladicta. Oh, was she glad her friend was here! Such a gift and -- oh, crap.

“Crap!” she yelped and turned around, searching for her bag.

Maladicta took another step forward in concern, but Polly waved her off. “My bag!” she exclaimed. “Have you seen it anywhe--”

Maladicta was silently pointing in front of her, where Polly’s bag had been haphazardly dumped in front of the rickety bed. 

“Right,” Polly grinned sheepishly, her cheeks growing warm in embarrassment. She knew she was blushing furiously, and wondered how -- did vampires even blush? Surely they had more than enough blood, what with-- nope, but Mal wasn’t doing that anymore, was she. She was all…  _ Not  _ that. Which was the reason that Polly was now hastily ruffling through her bag, unconcerned with her belongings as she attempted to find her most important treasure.

With another “Right!” she pulled the bundle out, then twirled around and presented it to Mal with far more care than, well, anything really.

But Mal (sorry, Maladicta) simply stared at it.

“It’s a gift,” Polly nervously offered.

Maladicta was not impressed. “I have gathered as much,” she said. “But what is a smelly garment -- unless it is a nightgown, in which case, we shall have words -- meant to signify?”

Polly rolled her eyes, but making it obvious enough for Maladicta to see it was playful rather than annoyed. “It’s far too small to be a nightgown, and you know it,” she said. “Unless it’s a very small nightgown, but in that case.” She stopped speaking, afraid to feel her cheeks go red again.

Maladicta was already unveiling the object, the so-called ‘smelly garment’ discarded onto the floor. Polly almost pouted at seeing her second favourite shirt treated that way, but instead she rather observed Maladicta as she uncovered the gift.

Her eyes sparkled just as Polly had wanted to see and she turned the necklace over in her hands. “Beans,” Maladicta said. “Coffee beans.”

“Exactly. Just in case, you know.” Polly didn’t know why she was fidgeting. It wasn’t like this was the first time she’d given Maladicta a gift, hell, it wasn’t even the first time she’d given her  _ this  _ specific gift, and yet it was different somehow.

Maybe because she wasn’t simply sending it off in a bulky package, but giving it with her bare hands, staring right into Maladicta’s face?

Maladicta’s smile was small and careful, her eyes the biggest indicator of her happiness. “But I already have one,” she confusedly asked and popped a few buttons of her uniform open just enough to reveal the necklace already fastened around her neck. “It is most useful, and I am very happy to receive this one also, but--?”

Oh Duchess, Polly didn’t want to see Mal’s smile slip away. “I thought it would be better if you had two,” she said. “Y’know, just in case.”

“Just in case,” Maladicta agreed. They stared at each other for a moment in awkward silence, at least until Maladicta nodded again. “I am your gift, then, yes?”

“What -- what do you mean?” Polly stuttered. 

“Ah,” Maladicta said, and that answered the question of how a flustered vampire looked like, “since you have given me a gift, and I have not  _ brought  _ anything with me, I cannot gift you any  _ thing  _ in return _ ,  _ but I have seen people take each other's presence as a gift, so I--”

Polly was already beaming at her, and screw the flaming cheeks! “I am very much in favour of such a gift,” she said.

“So you find me adequate,” Maladicta satisfyingly nodded.

“Mal, I find you more than adequate!” Polly laughed.

“Ah, and that,  _ Mal?” _

Whoops. “You like it?” she sheepishly asked.

“Sure,” Mal allowed. “As long as I don’t have to call you Paul.”

“That’s not how it works!” Polly protested. She squinted her eyes. “And you know it,” she added. “Have you been provoking me, Mal?”

Mal raised her eyebrows in a universal ‘Who, me?’ question.

“Now why would I do that?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Polly said, “why  _ would  _ you do that?”

Neither spoke for a moment, but their eyes were shining bright as they stared at each other. Finally it was Polly that bravely reached forward and took the bean necklace from Mal’s hands. “Can I?” she asked.

Mal nodded and turned around, her hair still cut short enough that Polly didn’t need to brush it aside. She would’ve liked to, she realised.

She gently tied the necklace together, her fingers brushing Mal’s neck only slightly and then it was over, Mal turning back around with the smile back on her face. 

“Two necklaces,” she said. “I am ready for anything now, I think.”

“Really?” Polly asked. “Would you like to give that speech instead of me?”

“Not that,” Mal quickly changed her mind. “That is your duty,  _ Sergeant.” _

The scrappy salute was a nice touch, Polly had to admit.

“Alright,” she said, “then, while I deal with the speech and all, you deal with Blause’s… horse thingy.”

The horrified look on Mal’s face only served to amuse her. “I thought you said you were ready for anything!” she reminded Mal. “Or does this  _ anything  _ have even more exceptions?”

Mal crossed her arms over her chest. “It might,” she said. “But in exchange for doing such a horrifically brave feat, I demand a reward.”

“A reward?” Polly asked. “But the necklace--?”

“That was just the… first part, maybe?” Mal offered. 

“Alright,” Polly said, “what’s your ‘reward’?”

For a moment, Mal didn’t move. Then she slowly extended her hand towards Polly.

Polly stared at the empty palm, wondering what Mal was saying. It only took a brief glance at the hopeful expression on her face for Polly to understand. Still, it was almost too long and Mal’s hand had already begun lowering by the time Polly’s snatched it, quick as a snake.

She grasped it in her warmer hands, hurrying to say what she couldn’t even begin to imagine how to express: “Mal, of course, how could I not--”

But Mal only winked at her: “Speech first. Horse… thingy first. Then…” and she squeezed their hands, the sweetest promise of future happiness that Polly had ever tasted.

**Author's Note:**

> had i better delegation skills, I wouldn't be writing this during my finals. But had I not been writing this, I would probably not be doing anything productive either, methinks. Honestly, between studying for my next exam (thats in... four hours or so, i try not to look at the clock) and this, i much prefer this :D


End file.
